Monday, October 3, 2011

Where Has Time Gone

I wonder all the time where does the time go??!! It has been 13 weeks (and a few days) or 14 weeks on Friday and it doesn't seem possible!!!  My little surro baby is just the sweetest boy and is doing so well.  I couldn't be more proud.  I haven't seen him since he was around 6 weeks old so really hoping to see him again soon, but for now, I just admire his pics from his mama that I get weekly!!!!!!!!!!  It's so surreal that I had a baby just a few many weeks ago.  Sometimes it feels like it was years ago but I remember it like it was yesterday.  Not having a baby around to remind you every day that you gave birth is pretty surreal also.  It's like it never happened.  My friend was saying the other day "after that second kid" and I said "I've only had 1 kid"....and she had to remind me, no you've had 2 kids, you are only raising one kid.   But after 3 months, healing, time passing, work, hanging w/ my awesome daughter, staying busy and moving right along, I have to admit I can't wait to do this again!!!!  I would do it all over in a heart beat and I hope that I get to one day. I just feel so lucky to be able to produce kids with no problem, no sickness and feeling great the whole time that it would be a waste not to do it again.  I feel like this is my calling in life.  I feel amazing that I can create a little human inside of me not only for my own family and benefit but for other's benefit and their families.  That is pretty awesome I think!!!!!!!  So I'm not saying tomorrow that I will do this, but maybe next year!!!  First, I'll definitely wait to see if my IPs want a sibling because they are my number 1 but if they choose not to or whatever the case may be, then I will look at some other IPs.  I will say however, my next IPs will have some hard shoes to follow in because I'm pretty sure I have the BEST IPs around!!!  

I'm not sure how often I will update this blog since I don't have any real thing to talk about now. LOL  I am however, going to start working for the surrogacy agency that I went thru for my surrogacy.  They have asked that I become a mentor/consultant for other surrogates since my journey went so perfect.  I LOVE helping others and love talking and listening so I think this might be the perfect job for me and am so thankful they thought of  and asked me.    I can't wait to start training and take this new adventure on.  I won't be quitting my day job by any means, but will have this as a second "part time" job. 

So with that, Life is great, me and my daughter are healthy and busy all the time and I just thank God every day for all my blessings, my family, my friends and everyone's health and that it continues to stay that way for a very long time.     With that I'll leave you with a picture of my sweet little surro boy!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

6 weeks PP

Well 6 weeks has come and gone.  I started back to work on Monday and go to my dr. appointment on Friday.  I'm hoping for good news and clearance to start working out again.  Feeling really ready to lose this baby weight....I have lost 23 lbs. and have a good 12 to go to feel good again.  I hope I work out as much as I have in my mind I will. I'm feeling great and feeling completely back to normal.  People are still asking me how I feel and if I miss the baby or if I feel weird.  I can say with 100% that I don't miss the baby and I'm glad to have had the experience and know that I can mark it off my "bucket" list.  It's an honor to have done it and to have shared the gift of life with someone.  I'm so happy that I get to stay in the family and watch my surro baby grow up but I'm so glad he's not mine. LOL  It is not the right time in my life.  I would do it 100 times over for people if I could, but one that's not possible and two I have had 2 c-sections so I need to be very wise in my next decision whether to have another of my own or give someone else a baby.  I think I was meant to do this, but also have seen so many of my surro friends having difficulties right now and that scares me. I think maybe I should just be thankful that I got the experience and move on...but then it seems kind of selfish of me and think I could help so many others out. So who knows if or when I'll do another surrogacy.  It definitely won't be in the next year, but maybe 2 years, I'll consider it again.  I'm definitely not getting any younger and they like to have "younger" we shall see.  But for now, I'm thankful for all the blessings in my life, thankful for all the amazing people in my life and just living and loving life...and hoping maybe one day I'll find love...but if I don't, I have my daughter and she's my number 1 regardless!!!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

The After Math...

I have been trying to decide when, how and exactly what to write on this blog post.  I don't want the "wrong" impression to come out or the wrong "feelings" so here it goes...I'll do my best. 

The "after" of surrogacy is a hard thing to explain and especially to those who have never done it or never would do it.   I have been feeling pretty good, however, there are days when I don't feel great.  I get sad because it's all over.  I longed to do this for so long and I accomplished my goal.  I didn't necessarily even have to try.  I was matched with the perfect IPs, I got pregnant on the first try, I only got pregnant with a singleton and I had the easiest, close to perfect pregnancy ever.  I had the most amazing journey, met some amazing people thru this whole journey and now it's all an instant.  If you tell people you're sad, the first thing they think is you miss the baby or maybe regret giving up the baby which is completely wrong.  I'm happy that I don't have to get up at night to a crying baby, I'm glad I don't have a newborn to take care of, to pay  for, to worry about, I'm glad that is someone else's responsibility.  One day I want that again, but not right now.  I'm not in a position in my life to do that right now and I know that.  What i do miss is being pregnant, I miss the whole "journey" part, I miss feeling that sweet boy kicking inside of me.  It's like you work for something for so long and want it so bad, but then the day comes and it's all over.  This is the part you never want to end.  You want to hold on to it as long as possible and cherish every moment.  I definitely cherished the moments.  I cherish the relationship I have built with my IPs.  I cherish that I get to watch the sweet boy I delivered grow up and be a part of his life.  I cherish every picture that they send to me and the updates I receive.  I told my  IM that I was feeling "the blues" and she said to think of it as role reversal which I thought was so sweet.  I carried him, nourished him, loved him, and talked to him for 9 months and now it's their turn. Although they get a lifetime with him, I do too in a sense.  I get to love him from afar.  I get to be proud of him and watch him grow and know that I did the best I could for the first 9 months of his life.  It's a different kind of love and attachment, but I get it and for that I'm thankful and happy.

Some people will never understand why I did this or why I feel the way I do and that's ok.  Some people will never talk about their feelings and the "after math" of surrogacy either and that is ok.  To me, it's a relief.  To me, it makes me feel better to write it down and share.  If I can help one surrogate understand that it's not all "ok" afterwards or that it's ok to feel the blues and not feel regret than I have accomplished another goal of mine.  I'm not sure how long the "blues" are going to last or the hormones being all confused and messed up are going to last and that's ok.  I will deal with them as they come.  I am a strong person and after this experience feel even stronger and that's hard for me to admit but I know it's true.  I know most people couldn't do this and that's understandable.  Surrogacy isn't for just anyone, it takes a strong, determined person.  I have learned so much about myself thru this journey and feel that I'm in the best place in my life right now and couldn't ask for anything more. 

What helped the most though is that I have the most amazing support, friends and family and I couldn't have done it without them (or you if you are reading this).  I have the BEST parents in the whole world who have been by my side from day one and the GREATEST mom who was here to witness the birth, be here for me and Taylen, take care of both of us and not complained one bit.  She put her life on hold to come take care of me and Taylen and for that I'm more grateful then words could ever express.  I couldn't have made it this last week without her.  So for the next few weeks while I'm off of work, blues or no blues, I'm going to cherish every moment and memory that the three of us are making together.  I thank God for watching over me thru this whole journey and blessing my IPs with a healthy beautiful baby boy and that this "journey" is really only just beginning!!

Monday, July 4, 2011

Baby Chance is here

As a lot of you already know baby Chance was born Friday, July 1 at 9:46 a.m. weighing 6 lbs 14 oz, 19.5 inches long.  I had a scheduled c-section that day.  We arrived at the hospital together at 7:30 a.m and got checked in at the hospital.  We had the BEST nurse there to prep us for everything.  She was so amazed at our story and was just the sweetest thing.  At 9:00 they had us go back to the operating room....holy cow.  It was real now and no turning back.  That is where I got my epidural and everyone back there was just amazed at our story and treated us all with such kindness.  It was like a big happy family back there.  They waited until I was completely numb and my IM was soo good to hold my hand thru it all and not leave my side.   She had told the nurse that when baby got there to fill in for her and not leave my side.  As soon as baby C came, the nurse was right there to hold my hand and make sure I was ok while mom and dad went to see their miracle baby.  After they held him, cleaned him and weighed him they brought him to me and I got to hold him and he just was the sweetest thing and totally recognized my was amazing.  After that, they took me to recovery and mom and dad, baby, me and my mom and daughter all got to hang out in recovery.  After recovery, they took us to our room and we all just admired baby C.  My IM took hormones to breastfeed which I just think is totally amazing, so they got to bond over that and baby C latched right on and hasn't stopped since.  That lil man ate more than I've seen any newborn are some pics from the day

As for me, I'm feeling good.  My boobs are hard, full of milk and hurt so bad, but I'm keeping them wrapped tightly and using cabbage leaves to try and get them dried out.  I'm still very sore from my c-section and am not leaving the house much except to go to the store or go around the block for a walk.  I haven't had any "blues" yet but am wondering what lies ahead in my future.  I couldn't have asked for a better journey, for better IPs or a better ending to such an awesome journey.  It really has been amazing.  I feel very blessed to be a part in such an amazing journey.  I'll let you know how the next couple of weeks go and I am very lucky  as I get to see Chance when I want and be a part of his life....I know everyone is not so lucky.  Thank you to all of my followers and everyone who has  prayed for me, sent good vibes, followed me thru this and sent encouraging words.  I love all of you and will let you know how things go.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Less than 48 hrs.....

Well I don't have much to report.  At my dr. appt. last Friday I wasn't even dialated.  I have less than 48 hours until I deliver this sweet boy.  Last Saturday my IM and me had a spa day complete w/ manis, pedis, facials and massages.  I think I went to heaven and back that was amazing!!! Sadly, we both forgot to take pics!! Dang it, but it was amazing.  Tomorrow my mom arrives at 2:30 and then we are all going out for dinner for my "last meal" and then will be at the hospital at 7:30 a.m. Friday morning.  I can't believe this journey has almost come to an end.  It has been so amazing and I seriously have the best IPs hands down!!!  I'm sure a few of you other surros would think those are fighting words....but seriously I have been so blessed to help such an awesome couple.  I cannot wait to meet this lil man....he will be so loved.  I'm working until tomorrow at noon and then will be off for 5-6 weeks...which will be so nice!!!!  My dr. has a strict 6 week policy after a c-section and as much convincing (or as little) I did that I could go back before then, I don't think she's going to release me.    I just reread this and think I'm rambling, but I have so many emotions right now...happy, sad, excited, anxious, wondering the "what ifs", contemplating how I will feel when I get home and I seriously haven't slept good in sorry if I don't make sense.  I will leave you with these pics from work today and a girl at work thought it would be fun to take them in heels.  LOL  So no, I didn't actually wear these to work, my heel days have been over since about 35 weeks, but here you go.  I will report back after the birth.  Thanks to all my fellow surros and followers who have followed this journey.  I have "met" some awesome people thru this blog and one in particular who I've met in person is Krystal and I'm so thankful for her support and friendship.  Can't wait to be with her thru her journey. Until next you go

Monday, June 20, 2011

11 days....

So much has been going on.  Last Tuesday I was so busy at work and didn't eat except for breakfast (yeah I know...whoops).  I worked later than normal that day too and was feeling terrible.  I picked up my daughter and we went home.  Late Tuesday night I started feeling really bad.  I thought maybe I was having contractions, but wasn't sure (yeah I know most people know..but seriously I really wasn't sure...LOL).  Anyways, needless to say I was up all night in pain and debated on whether to go to the hospital or not.  I didn't.  Wednesday I slept in later than normal and came to work a couple hours late and still felt pretty crappy.  My IM said if I started getting those pains again to call the dr. I had a dr. appt. already for Friday so I'm stubborn and didn't go.  She suggested that maybe my blood sugar go too low from not eating and by Wed. night I was feeling much better.  Thursday was the Mavs parade and I debated off and on whether to go, but it's once in a lifetime and I'm a big Mavs fan and our office was closed for the a bunch of us decided to go from work.  THANKFULLY we were in the shade the whole time except for the last 15 min or so of the parade.  I made it and felt good, tired, but good the rest of the day.  Friday I felt back to normal finally and didn't think this baby was going to fall out every time I stood up!!! LOL I had a dr. appt. on Friday and dr. said all is well. I am measuring 36 weeks at 37 weeks and she estimated the baby weighing around 7 lbs.  We all have a bet going on how much he will weigh.  I'm pretty sure I'm going to win w/ a 7lb. 4 oz. guess!!!! :)  I've said that from day one and still pretty confident!  Saturday was the baby shower for sweet baby C and let me tell you, it was one AMAZING baby shower.  We had so much fun, this little boy is going to be sooo loved and everyone was so kind and kept telling me how amazing and fabulous I was.  It's nice to hear, but also a little uncomfortable. LOL  I don't think I'm any more "fabulous" than the next person and if I do say so myself, my IPs are pretty darn FABULOUS!!!!    So with all of that, I'll leave you with some pics...3 of my belly and then one at the parade with my shirt!!! LOL   I got lots of laughs and compliments.   And as of today, I only have 11 days and am praying every night I make it the next 11 days because I want my mama here and she lands at 2:30 on June 30!!!  Nothing like the last minute!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

36 weeks today....3 to go!!!

had my dr. appt. today and baby is measuring right on at 36 weeks.  My cervix is still shut and not dialated.  Had to get the b-strep and HIV tests done, other than that all is well.  Oh and I lost a pound!! YES! LOL 

Thursday, June 2, 2011


Is anyone having problems commenting on blogs or staying signed in.  I can't comment on ANYONE'S blogs and I'm getting furious!!!!  It is pissin me off!!! LOL  So for all you bloggers that I always comment on, I'm not ignoring you and I try every day and it won't work.....I almost want to punch my computer...but then what good will that do right?! Anyways, I'm still reading the blogs and of course still have brilliant advice (LOL) but I can't comment!!!!

35 weeks today!! Time is flying...

Here we go, 4 weeks left.  Still rockin the can't really tell in this pic, but I promise...they are heels!! LOL

Thursday, May 26, 2011

34 weeks today

that is all!!! LOL  Everyone enjoy your memorial day weekend!  I know I'm going family will be here!!!  5 weeks from tomorrow....OMG!!!!!!!!!

Monday, May 16, 2011

Scheduled time and date

We had our dr. appointment on Friday (32 weeks) and she went ahead and scheduled my c-section.  Holy gosh, it makes it totally real!!!! July 1, 9:30 a.m. is the BIG day and time!  I can't believe it is 6 weeks away.  How exciting is that!!!!!  So super excited.  Now, if the next 6 weeks will just fly by, as I'm sure they will, we will be good!!! And, this baby needs to stay in there until July 1 and not come early, as none of us have a back-up plan...seriously!!! My mom flies in on June 30.  Everything I have planned is based on her arrival.  My IPs are close thankfully, but they have their schedules set for July 1 also, so Mr. C better stay put!!!  I will try and post pics every week now that we are getting down to the count.

In other news, I met up with another surro this weekend and what a treat she was!!!  We have been planning for months to meet up and with one thing or another coming up, we kept missing each other.  But not Sunday, we were determined.  I don't really get nervous or shy about meeting new people, in fact, I love it, but I could tell she was a little shy at first, and then after reading her blog today...she was...and she was also hoping that I didn't have a manly voice, which thankfully for both of us...I don't!!! LOL  She is absolutely beautiful on the inside and out. I have a good judge of character (or so I like to think) and I think we will make a lifelong friendship after just this first meet and greet.    She has two absolutely gorgeous daughters and after my daughter finally got her shyness out of the way, they all 3 hit it off and played for a couple of hours.  She's just starting out in her journey and I'm getting ready finish up mine, so I'm excited to follow her and suppport her thru her journey as she has done for me.   I'll leave you with a picture of me and her (which I stole from her blog) and next time we will get a pic of our girls, because i'm pretty sure the 3 of them could pass for cute!!! 

Friday, May 6, 2011

Not Surrogacy Related....well kind of...

I just needed somewhere to write and more for my own sake then anyone else's but if you read this great, if not, I don't care!! LOL   I follow a lot of surrogates, some IPs, some infertile couples or couples who are still in the process of trying to have a baby and actually some blogs just about family and some people are so positive no matter what and others, well they are completely negative no matter what.  I don't understand people who are negative all day, every day no matter what comes their way.  It's like if they won the lottery, they would still find the negative in it.  I don't get it.  I'm a happy, upbeat, positive, cup is always half-full type of person and no matter what comes my way, I try to find the good in it.  I know everyone is not like this and I also realize I have been VERY BLESSED in life and not a lot of BAD things have happened to me in my life.  I've lost grandparents in the past, but never an immediate family member, never a best friend, never a child, never a parent and if I had, maybe my life would be different, maybe I would view things differently. I hope not, but I can't say because I have never had that experience.  But I don't think I will ever understand all the negativity and anger people have in life.  I have been reading alot about people who have babies via surrogacy and then they complain about how their child acts or how their schedules have been complicated and I want to yell at them and say you have waited all your life for this child and now all you do is complain about them.  I don't get it and never will!!!!  I have been BLESSED by God with my daughter.  She is the absolute joy in my life and whether she was planned or not (she wasn't at all) I try not to take one moment with her for granted.   We laugh together, we cry together, we yell at each other and we tell each other at least 10 times a day how much we love each other.  Yeah, she might get on my nerves sometimes. Sometimes I wish I had family close by that I could drop her off at to get a night by myself or that her dad was more involved and took her some nights, but I don't have that.  I have her 24/7 with me except for when I'm at work and she's at daycare.   But I'm ok with that.  I try not to complain and I try to be the best mom I can even when I'm tired, stressed or upset about something.  I don't show that side to her and I would NEVER tell her that I wish she would go away or how sometimes I wish I could have some alone time, or that she's "bothering" me and/or my schedule.  Instead I tell her how awesome she is, what an amazing little girl she is and how blessed I am to have her in my life.  She's 3 and trust me, she understands every bit of what I'm saying.  She understands every emotion that I have.  She knows when I'm upset and she tells me it will be ok.  She, out of nowhere, says mommy I love you so much and I want to hug you.  She's the BEST THING IN MY LIFE and for her I'm so thankful.  So to all the parents out there, I pray that you really understand how blessed we are to be raising these kids.  To all the people who want kids but don't have them yet, I pray that you get to experience this blessing and pray that you will treat every moment with that child like its your last.  I pray that no matter your "status", you live every day to the best and that you try to make the negative a positive, because trust me, life is a much happier place when you are happy and positive than when you are down.  I've been down before, I've been depressed before but I still tried to find the positives.  I knew it wouldn't be like that forever, I knew there were better days ahead and there were and I can honestly say, I'm the happiest I have been in a long time.  I don't have it "all" by any means. I don't have the house, the husband, the best car, or a truck load of money, but I do have an amazing family, I have the best friends a girl could want, I have a beautiful, healthy daughter who makes me laugh every single day, a great job (which is hard to come by these days), I'm healthy and I'm carrying a healthy baby boy for some of the most amazing IPs and who are going to love this lil man to death and who will be 2 awesome parents!!!!  I'm happy and I pray for everyone else's happiness....that's my rant for the day!! LOL Be happy people...u only live life once!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

31 weeks today

Holy cow - only 8 more weeks to go.  Had my dr. appt. last week and I passed all the glucose and iron tests and all is great.  The dr. suggested I get a maternity belt and use a lumbar pillow with my lower back hurting, but I haven't gotten either yet and my back has not been hurting.  However, we went to San Antonio last weekend and I used a pillow for the ride down there and back and thank goodness I lifesaver!!!!  Other than that, my IPs are having a BBQ this weekend and I will be "introduced" to the family and all of their friends.  I'm pretty excited...should be a fun day!!!!!!  I'll leave you with a picture of me today and yes...I'm still wearing heels....not every day and usually not all day long, but I just can't help it!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

30 weeks today!!

Nothing to report except 9 weeks from today I will be delivering a sweet baby boy for my IPs...if he doesn't come early.  I was having severe back pain last night and go to the dr. tomorrow, so hopefully all is well and I can continue on this journey for 9 weeks!  We (me and my IPs) have it all planned out and don't have much of a backup plan, so he NEEDS to stay in until July 1 (LOL).  Here's to bakin this baby for 9 more weeks!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Dr. Appt....all good

Today we had a dr. appointment, one for glucose and iron and the other we got a sono to see if my placenta had moved up where it needs to be.  Mr. C was kicking all over the place and is perfect in every way.  He weighs 2 lbs. and 12 oz. right now!!!! My placenta moved up where it should be so no concerns there which is awesome.  It may have been a little worriesome had the placenta not moved up, but now we can move on from there.  I will wait and hear back on my glucose and iron test within the next couple of days, however, they did dip my urine and didn't see any trace of the drink so they said that means my body has a high tolerance of that and that is always good here's hoping to no diabetes and that my iron is good.  Other than that, I'm feeling great, except not sleeping.  UGH.  Totally how I was with my other pregnancy.  Wake up and can't sleep.  I was cleaning at 11 last night...LOL  And if any of you know me, you know that's not like me at all!!!  But can't sleep, might as well be productive.  Today I feel like a train wreck and wish I could go crawl in bed.   As of today, we have 2 mnths and 10 days - can't believe it.  And now I start every 2 week appointments and then will start weekly appointments in June.  Time is flying!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

What a Year It's Been

Just doing this post...mostly for myself and reminder, but I met my IPs a year ago on April 10.  What a year it has been and in 2.5 mnths, I will be handing them their sweet baby boy!!!!!  I can't believe how fast the last year has gone and seriously can't believe how fast this pregnancy has gone.  July 1 is just around the corner and will be here and gone before we know it.  I have my glucose test a week from today and other than that, it's the normal feeling good pregnancy.  I really wish everyone had as good and easy pregnancies as I do.  I just can't imagine being sick and all that junk during pregnancy...for that I'm truly BLESSED!!!  Anyways, hope all my readers are doing great and thanks for stopping in.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011


I have a real issue when people ask me "how much are you getting paid?"  or "are you getting paid?" or say something like..."man, you will be set now, huh?!!"  First of all, you don't ask any person with a normal job if they are getting paid or how much they are you?  At least I don't.  Secondly, yes there is compensation for this "job" but if you add it up and divide it by 24/7 for approximately 12 months because you usally start the meds about 2 months before you get pregnant and then in case no has figured it out, not sure why they call it 9 mnths because you are technically pregnant 10 months, throw in there all the things you put on hold, all of the "inconveniences" you may or may not put your family thru, i.e. children, husband, or whoever else that helps out, all the possible risks that come with pregnancy, and then the aftermath of the "unknown", then I'm pretty sure it equals out to about $1-2 a day....who would "work" for that...pretty sure no one!!! 

On another note, I don't think it's all the "public's" fault either because on some agency websites where you sign up to be a surrogate or intended parent or do the research, they make it sound like we get all this money.  They have testimonies on there about what the surrogate did with her money or how much it helped out the surrogate's family which I don't really agree with either.  A lot of people think surrogates are low class, money hungry girls just trying to make an "easy" dollar.  However, I'm here to tell you I DEFINITELY  don't fit into that class and all other surrogate blogs I follow don't either.  We are all working mothers who enjoy being pregnant and who want to help another couple become a family.    We must be a little crazy in some way too because who would want to "give up" their own child.  Well we aren't crazy and we don't give up "our"'s all about Love and helping out.  That's what I'm doing it for.  I'm doing for the passion I have for kids, for all the love I have to give, to help out in a way many people will never understand and to be able to give the gift of life.   So yes, we get compensated, but please don't be that person that asks how much or make snide comments on how much we must be making.  Go do some research, find out for yourself if you want to know.  There are plenty of helpful sites out there.  Ok, that's my rant for the day....thanks for reading!!! LOL

Friday, March 25, 2011

L&D Observation Room Anyone??

That is where I spent my day Wednesday.  I was sick all night Tuesday night and Wed. morning I still couldn't keep anything down and my lower back was in so much pain.  I called the dr. and they said go straight to Labor & Delivery Observation.  So away I went.  I checked in at 1:30 and didn't get to leave until 6 p.m. with all test results coming back normal and no contractions or anything.  We all decided I must have got a bug.  I really thought I had a UTI because I've had several (not with this pregnancy but in the past) but it was a negative.  It was scary, it was a place I don't want to have to go back to, but the nurses were great and took good care of me.  I'm feeling much better and finally getting an appetite back.  I was 25 weeks yesterday and have a dr. appt. today so things are moving right along.  14 more weeks to go....crazy how time is flying!

Monday, March 21, 2011

You Never Realize...

You never really realize how many people ask you and talk to you about your pregnancy until...well I guess until it isn't yours and you have to decide to either just go with it or stop and explain.  For the most part, I just go with it.   By "just going with it" I mean, I don't tell every person that asks me when I'm due, how far along am I, what am I having, what I'm naming him, etc. that this baby is not mine.  I sometimes wish I could wear a shirt that says "Yes, I'm Pregnant, but the Baby isn't Mine" LOL   How do you think people would react then?   Taylen does so good with it too.  Every person that asks her "are you excited to be a big sister" she looks at them and then me like "why are they asking me that?  I'm not going to be a big sister."  LOL  She has a time or 2 said, that's not my mommy's baby and people are like hmmmmmmmmm..ok.   But other times she just walks away or changes the subject. Pretty darn good for a 3 year old!!!!!  I figure it takes longer to stop and explain the situation then to just go with it with people that I will never see again, like grocery store or shopping or other random places talk to you.  I'm sure my neighbors will be wondering after I have the baby but don't have the new baby with me at all times, like what the heck.  I for one, will probably never ask another woman about her pregnancy that I don't know.  I'm not sure if I even have just in passing anyways, but I definitely will not anymore.  You don't know her situation.  She may be giving it up for adoption, may be a surrogate, may be having major complications and deciding whether to keep it or not.  This is definitely a lesson in itself for me.  I'm not offended by people asking, but I just feel like it takes way longer to stop and explain to every person about surrogacy then to just go with we are having a baby boy and Taylen will be a big sister.  She'll be a "special cousin" but not a big sister.   Don't get me wrong though, when I feel like the time is right or that I have a lot of time to stop and explain, then I do.  I want the world to know about surrogacy.  I want them to know there are other options.  I love people's expressions when you do actually tell them and some of their questions are hilarious, but it's not for everyone and most of the time I'm running late somewhere (story of my life) and I don't have the time to explain it all.  You can't just say, "the baby is not mine" or even "I'm just a surrogate" and walk on because that opens up a whole lot of questions and discussion.   So I guess my point of this blog is to other surrogates, how do you handle this and to my fellow friends and followers who are not surrogates or never met one....think about it the next time you are going to ask a stranger about her pregnancy.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

hormones...they are great, aren't they?!

I'm going to blame this on pregnancy hormones, but an article I read today has me so upset that it's getting its own blog...and has nothing to do with surrogacy...and I'm crying about it. LOL

I read today that gay family homes are perceived better than single mom homes.  I LOVE gays and will be the first to say I'm all for equal rights and gay marriage and gay men/women raising children.  I think it's amazing that we have come this far and although we have a lot further to go, I'm all for gay families.  What I'm against is saying that it is perceived better than single moms because there are at least 2 people in the home raising the children.  I am a single mom and also a single mom to a bi-racial child???? Whoa!! That is bigtime right?!! Hell no it's not.  It's something that God has blessed me with.  I don't see how anyone could say that being in a bad relationship with two parents in the household is better than a single parent, mother or father.  I was in a bad relationship.  I wasn't happy.  I cried A LOT...daily pretty much.  I didn't want to get out of bed sometimes, but I tried to make it work because that's what I'm supposed to do.  I'm supposed to be in a relationship with her father.  Children should be raised in a 2-parent home.  I tried to be happy and make things work because that is how I grew up.  Well, I already broke one rule....a child before marriage.  Now, breaking another rule.....being a single parent?! How could I??!!   Well I did and I've never been happier.  My daughter's father and I get a long 1000 times better now that we aren't together.  We do things together that we would have NEVER done when we were in a relationship and we actually enjoy it instead of being miserable.  Will we ever get back together? NO!  But can we be good parents to our daughter being apart? Yes we can and we do.  I don't ever want my daughter to think it is ok to be in a relationship where you are miserable and yelling and screaming all the time at each other.  I don't want her to say, well this was ok with my mom, so why isn't it ok for me?  I want to show her what healthy love is.  I want her to see her mom is happy and doesn't have to depend on a man to be happy.   I want her to know that I go to work every day and live and breath for her.  All for her.  That to me is unconditional love.  Her dad isn't the greatest dad, but in her eyes right now, he walks on the moon.  Her daddy is the love of her life and I want her to believe that.  I don't ever criticize or talk bad about him to her....EVER PERIOD!!  If he makes me mad or disappoints her, that is on him.  She will decide how she wants to look at her dad when she's older.  I will let her have that option to decide on his actions without my influence.   Don't get me wrong, one day when the time is right and I find a good man to be in a relationship with, then great, so be it.  But I'm not going out looking for a man just so I can have 2 parents in the household and to be married because that is the "right" thing to do.  It just amazes me at some people's ignorance.  Again, because my daughter is bi-racial and I'm single, I have even a bigger stero-type.  But her dad is a very hard working man and God blessed us both with a beautiful daughter and if you think for one minute I'm going to let someone tell me that I've done it all wrong or that I need a husband in the house, then to them I say worry about your own life and I'll worry about mine.  Her dad and I are better friends than lovers and not sure if I will ever find the "perfect" lover, but my focus will always be on my daughter and her happiness rather than finding happiness with a man who may or may not be there in a year or ten....when he finds something better that comes along!!  I could go all day on this subject, but I'll stop.  I feel better about writing it all out. 

Thursday, March 10, 2011

6 mnth mark

We hit 6 mnths today.  Man how time flies!! I can't believe in 3.5 mnths, I will be delivering a baby boy and handing him over to some very deserving parents.  Excited!!!  I seriously have to remind myself sometimes that I'm pregnant.  Well, obviously if I just look down at my stomach I can tell, but I don't "feel" so much pregnant.  I feel great.   I thought my pregnancy with Taylen was easy, but this one has been far!!! I only pray it continues and that delivery will be just as easy.  I'm getting my belly buddie back that I gave my IPs this weekend when we do brunch together so will be hooking that up and letting lil' baby boy hear his parents.  So much fun!!  Other than that, not much else going on.  We got to travel to SC to visit my parents last weekend and from here on out, no more traveling out of the state, but I'm fine with that.  Just means anyone who wants to see me has to travel it should be.  LOL   Hope all my loyal "followers" are doing great!!! Love ya'll!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Dr. appt.

We had our US yesterday and if we hadn't already had a 3D/4D sono, then this would have been the day we found out what I was carrying.  However, it was only confirmed that there is a sweet boy growing in there and everything is perfect.  Measurements and all are perfect.   My dr. did notice that my placenta is low, however, she said this is not a concern as of now since I'm only 20 weeks (21 tomorrow), but that we will do a recheck at 28 weeks to see where it is sitting.  I asked if there is anything I need to do different or anything I need to start/stop but my dr. said no, that all is well.  So that's all for now.  Have another dr. appt. in 4 weeks and then it starts 2 appointments a month and then every week.  I can't believe this journey is half over already...seems like it took forever to start and now it's already half way gone..but isn't that the case in life.  You wait and wait for something and then it's here and gone and hopefully you got to enjoy the moment before it was too late.  So that's what I'm trying to do, enjoy the moment, enjoy being pregnant, enjoy this journey and will take whatever comes along the way. 

Thursday, February 17, 2011

I'm Still Here

It's been awhile, but I really have no updates or any complaints.  This has been the easiest, most stress-free pregnancy I have experienced and I'm LOVING it.  I'm loving that everything is going so smoothly and I'm loving getting to share my "story".  I did get an awesome invite to help out the surrogacy program that I am currently with right now and am so excited about that.  I won't go in to much detail yet because nothing is official yet, but as time gets closer and things are more "official" I will post about it.  But for right now, God is blessing me every day and we are healthy and moving right along.  I'm 19 weeks today and it's flying by....almost half way done and can't believe it.  I already know I'm going to miss the journey when it is over, but for now, I'm going to enjoy the moment.  We have an US next Tues. so we will get to see Mr. Boy moving and kicking again which always makes me feel good.  I'm feeling him move here and there, but nothing like I expect in the next few months to come.   I will post new pics soon. 

Monday, January 24, 2011

What an Awesome Weekend

We went on Friday to hear the baby heartbeat and just for a routine visit.  This time both parents got to come...even though it was a pretty boring visit.  LOL  The heartbeat was 150 and every time they would start to hear it the baby would move away.  Probably spent 5-10 min. trying to get him to slow down.  Then on Saturday was the "BIG" day.  We went to breakfast first and then on to have a 3D/4D sono done.  I didn't have one with Taylen so this was just as exciting for me.  Man...this place was awesome.  Two big comfy couches to sit on and a nice big lounge for the "Mom" to lay on and about a 60 in'' screen TV to watch the baby move.    It was nicer than most living rooms.   We got lots of pics and a video and just watched HIM, yes, I've been right all along, its A BOY, move and kick.  He was putting his hands in his mouth, yawning, kicking, turning all around.  It was pretty amazing!!!!!!  My IPs are so excited.  They wanted a boy so I'm just thrilled for them.   They are keeping the name in the family and all of the dad's side initials are CHJ so lil' boy will have those initials too.  I know the name, but not sure if they want me to reveal his name on here yet, so I will keep it quiet for now.  If people in Dallas area want a good recommendation for 3D/4D, we went to Blooming Baby - - and they were amazing.  So nice and just a very good experience.    Anyways, on the way home my IPs bought an embroidery sewing machine and that evening Mom was already texting me pictures of stuff she made.  So, so sweet.  I'm just thrilled for them.  I know I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it 1000 more times, but I totally lucked out with such awesome IPs and the love we all have for each other is indescribable.  So lucky and blessed!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

15 weeks

Whoa - 15 weeks today and a big ol' belly to show for it!!!  I don't know what it is but today I feel huge!!!  We go to the dr. next week to check in and see how this baby is growing.  After so many dr. appointments since July, now all of a sudden 5 weeks without a dr. appointment and I feel lost.  I feel like I need to go every 2 weeks like I was in the beginning.   I actually kind of miss being poked and prodded and seeing/hearing the baby.   I need reassurance that he is ok.  I was feeling moving a few weeks back, but haven't felt much since, but if my belly has anything to say, that baby is just fine.  Anyways, I'll let ya'll know how the dr. appointment goes.  Meeting with my IP's on Saturday for brunch and to exchange Christmas gifts since we haven't gotten together since before the holidays.  Looking forward to it and seeing them..always fun haning out.  Taylen is excited too..she loves them!!!!

Monday, January 3, 2011

The "Whys....."

Well since I made the "big" facebook announcement yesterday, I have gotten a lot of support, blessings, congrats, you're awesome, I can't believe it and everything else...and with that comes the "Why are you doing this?"   So here it goes, the best I can answer. 

I started thinking about surrogacy many years ago, even before my daughter was born.   I did research, however, and found out you cannot be a surrogate without having a child of your own..which makes much sense!!  So I left it alone for years.  After having my daughter, it was my second mother's day with her and it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I sat down and actually cried thinking there are some people who may never get to experience the joy, happiness, blessings, laughter, the ups and downs and everything else that comes with being a parent.    I could not imagine this.  No my pregnancy wasn't planned, I wasn't married, I wasn't in the best relationship to say the least, but God gave me this child for a reason.  He blessed me and continues to bless me every day with my amazing daughter.  Yes, I want more kids one day, whether I give birth to them or adopt them, I do plan to have at least one more child.   Whether I marry or not, I will have another child.  It is a goal of mine and I will accomplish it, but for now, I'm LOVING having Taylen and admiring her every day.  The thought of people not getting this experience blows me away.  So once again, I found myself doing research on being a surrogate mother.  The few people I told that I wanted to do this was like "are you sure?  How can you give up your child?"  Well for one this child is not mine.  I know I could never give up my own child, however, this child is not in any way, shape or form, related to me.  I knew this going into it and sometimes I have to remind myself, but at the end of the day, I am preparing myself the best way I know how to.  The dr. appts. are different, the feelings are different, everything about this is different and this is how I imagined it would go.  There are not a lot of things that I'm good at.  I'm not a crafty person, I'm not a creative person, I'm a VERY unorganized person, I am a  procrastinator, I don't save well and spend a lot, and the list goes on.  However, what I am good at and what I enjoy the most in life is being a mother.  Being able to wake up everyday to my daughter and going to bed every night with her thanking God for giving me such a beautiful child and blessing me is what I'm good at.  I was good at being pregnant.  I am good at "giving".  To give and watch someone receive is something I enjoy very much.  I enjoy making people happy and helping out in any way I can.  Don't get me wrong, I've gotten taken advantage of many times for this and gotten hurt on several occassions for being "too nice" however, I wouldn't change a thing about my life.  Everything I've been thru has made me who I am today.  My parents were amazing to us kids growing up and still are the most amazing people I know and they are the reason I am who I am today.  So to give someone such a blessing, to be able to make someone happy, to be able to give them the joy of a child and a lifetime of happiness and experiences is why I'm doing this.  It's not for the "attention" or money or any reason except to share in this life experience.  I feel like God called me to do this and I pray every night that things will go smoothly and that I will have a lifelong relationship with my IP's and this new child I'm bringing in to the world.  I pray that nothing goes wrong and that we all experience the true meaning and blessings from this.   To some it will never make sense and others will get it one day, but I seriously can't thank you enough for the support and kind words you have given to me.  I don't feel like I'm anymore "special" than the next person and certainly don't feel like I should be praised anymore than the next person.  People are good at different things and I always wondered why I didn't get any talent, but maybe this is my talent and maybe this is why it's all working out so well for me.  Forgive me...I think I have just rambled and hope this all makes sense. Love you all. Happy New Year!!!