Monday, October 3, 2011

Where Has Time Gone

I wonder all the time where does the time go??!! It has been 13 weeks (and a few days) or 14 weeks on Friday and it doesn't seem possible!!!  My little surro baby is just the sweetest boy and is doing so well.  I couldn't be more proud.  I haven't seen him since he was around 6 weeks old so really hoping to see him again soon, but for now, I just admire his pics from his mama that I get weekly!!!!!!!!!!  It's so surreal that I had a baby just a few many weeks ago.  Sometimes it feels like it was years ago but I remember it like it was yesterday.  Not having a baby around to remind you every day that you gave birth is pretty surreal also.  It's like it never happened.  My friend was saying the other day "after that second kid" and I said "I've only had 1 kid"....and she had to remind me, no you've had 2 kids, you are only raising one kid.   But after 3 months, healing, time passing, work, hanging w/ my awesome daughter, staying busy and moving right along, I have to admit I can't wait to do this again!!!!  I would do it all over in a heart beat and I hope that I get to one day. I just feel so lucky to be able to produce kids with no problem, no sickness and feeling great the whole time that it would be a waste not to do it again.  I feel like this is my calling in life.  I feel amazing that I can create a little human inside of me not only for my own family and benefit but for other's benefit and their families.  That is pretty awesome I think!!!!!!!  So I'm not saying tomorrow that I will do this, but maybe next year!!!  First, I'll definitely wait to see if my IPs want a sibling because they are my number 1 but if they choose not to or whatever the case may be, then I will look at some other IPs.  I will say however, my next IPs will have some hard shoes to follow in because I'm pretty sure I have the BEST IPs around!!!  

I'm not sure how often I will update this blog since I don't have any real thing to talk about now. LOL  I am however, going to start working for the surrogacy agency that I went thru for my surrogacy.  They have asked that I become a mentor/consultant for other surrogates since my journey went so perfect.  I LOVE helping others and love talking and listening so I think this might be the perfect job for me and am so thankful they thought of  and asked me.    I can't wait to start training and take this new adventure on.  I won't be quitting my day job by any means, but will have this as a second "part time" job. 

So with that, Life is great, me and my daughter are healthy and busy all the time and I just thank God every day for all my blessings, my family, my friends and everyone's health and that it continues to stay that way for a very long time.     With that I'll leave you with a picture of my sweet little surro boy!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

6 weeks PP

Well 6 weeks has come and gone.  I started back to work on Monday and go to my dr. appointment on Friday.  I'm hoping for good news and clearance to start working out again.  Feeling really ready to lose this baby weight....I have lost 23 lbs. and have a good 12 to go to feel good again.  I hope I work out as much as I have in my mind I will. I'm feeling great and feeling completely back to normal.  People are still asking me how I feel and if I miss the baby or if I feel weird.  I can say with 100% that I don't miss the baby and I'm glad to have had the experience and know that I can mark it off my "bucket" list.  It's an honor to have done it and to have shared the gift of life with someone.  I'm so happy that I get to stay in the family and watch my surro baby grow up but I'm so glad he's not mine. LOL  It is not the right time in my life.  I would do it 100 times over for people if I could, but one that's not possible and two I have had 2 c-sections so I need to be very wise in my next decision whether to have another of my own or give someone else a baby.  I think I was meant to do this, but also have seen so many of my surro friends having difficulties right now and that scares me. I think maybe I should just be thankful that I got the experience and move on...but then it seems kind of selfish of me and think I could help so many others out. So who knows if or when I'll do another surrogacy.  It definitely won't be in the next year, but maybe 2 years, I'll consider it again.  I'm definitely not getting any younger and they like to have "younger" we shall see.  But for now, I'm thankful for all the blessings in my life, thankful for all the amazing people in my life and just living and loving life...and hoping maybe one day I'll find love...but if I don't, I have my daughter and she's my number 1 regardless!!!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

The After Math...

I have been trying to decide when, how and exactly what to write on this blog post.  I don't want the "wrong" impression to come out or the wrong "feelings" so here it goes...I'll do my best. 

The "after" of surrogacy is a hard thing to explain and especially to those who have never done it or never would do it.   I have been feeling pretty good, however, there are days when I don't feel great.  I get sad because it's all over.  I longed to do this for so long and I accomplished my goal.  I didn't necessarily even have to try.  I was matched with the perfect IPs, I got pregnant on the first try, I only got pregnant with a singleton and I had the easiest, close to perfect pregnancy ever.  I had the most amazing journey, met some amazing people thru this whole journey and now it's all an instant.  If you tell people you're sad, the first thing they think is you miss the baby or maybe regret giving up the baby which is completely wrong.  I'm happy that I don't have to get up at night to a crying baby, I'm glad I don't have a newborn to take care of, to pay  for, to worry about, I'm glad that is someone else's responsibility.  One day I want that again, but not right now.  I'm not in a position in my life to do that right now and I know that.  What i do miss is being pregnant, I miss the whole "journey" part, I miss feeling that sweet boy kicking inside of me.  It's like you work for something for so long and want it so bad, but then the day comes and it's all over.  This is the part you never want to end.  You want to hold on to it as long as possible and cherish every moment.  I definitely cherished the moments.  I cherish the relationship I have built with my IPs.  I cherish that I get to watch the sweet boy I delivered grow up and be a part of his life.  I cherish every picture that they send to me and the updates I receive.  I told my  IM that I was feeling "the blues" and she said to think of it as role reversal which I thought was so sweet.  I carried him, nourished him, loved him, and talked to him for 9 months and now it's their turn. Although they get a lifetime with him, I do too in a sense.  I get to love him from afar.  I get to be proud of him and watch him grow and know that I did the best I could for the first 9 months of his life.  It's a different kind of love and attachment, but I get it and for that I'm thankful and happy.

Some people will never understand why I did this or why I feel the way I do and that's ok.  Some people will never talk about their feelings and the "after math" of surrogacy either and that is ok.  To me, it's a relief.  To me, it makes me feel better to write it down and share.  If I can help one surrogate understand that it's not all "ok" afterwards or that it's ok to feel the blues and not feel regret than I have accomplished another goal of mine.  I'm not sure how long the "blues" are going to last or the hormones being all confused and messed up are going to last and that's ok.  I will deal with them as they come.  I am a strong person and after this experience feel even stronger and that's hard for me to admit but I know it's true.  I know most people couldn't do this and that's understandable.  Surrogacy isn't for just anyone, it takes a strong, determined person.  I have learned so much about myself thru this journey and feel that I'm in the best place in my life right now and couldn't ask for anything more. 

What helped the most though is that I have the most amazing support, friends and family and I couldn't have done it without them (or you if you are reading this).  I have the BEST parents in the whole world who have been by my side from day one and the GREATEST mom who was here to witness the birth, be here for me and Taylen, take care of both of us and not complained one bit.  She put her life on hold to come take care of me and Taylen and for that I'm more grateful then words could ever express.  I couldn't have made it this last week without her.  So for the next few weeks while I'm off of work, blues or no blues, I'm going to cherish every moment and memory that the three of us are making together.  I thank God for watching over me thru this whole journey and blessing my IPs with a healthy beautiful baby boy and that this "journey" is really only just beginning!!

Monday, July 4, 2011

Baby Chance is here

As a lot of you already know baby Chance was born Friday, July 1 at 9:46 a.m. weighing 6 lbs 14 oz, 19.5 inches long.  I had a scheduled c-section that day.  We arrived at the hospital together at 7:30 a.m and got checked in at the hospital.  We had the BEST nurse there to prep us for everything.  She was so amazed at our story and was just the sweetest thing.  At 9:00 they had us go back to the operating room....holy cow.  It was real now and no turning back.  That is where I got my epidural and everyone back there was just amazed at our story and treated us all with such kindness.  It was like a big happy family back there.  They waited until I was completely numb and my IM was soo good to hold my hand thru it all and not leave my side.   She had told the nurse that when baby got there to fill in for her and not leave my side.  As soon as baby C came, the nurse was right there to hold my hand and make sure I was ok while mom and dad went to see their miracle baby.  After they held him, cleaned him and weighed him they brought him to me and I got to hold him and he just was the sweetest thing and totally recognized my was amazing.  After that, they took me to recovery and mom and dad, baby, me and my mom and daughter all got to hang out in recovery.  After recovery, they took us to our room and we all just admired baby C.  My IM took hormones to breastfeed which I just think is totally amazing, so they got to bond over that and baby C latched right on and hasn't stopped since.  That lil man ate more than I've seen any newborn are some pics from the day

As for me, I'm feeling good.  My boobs are hard, full of milk and hurt so bad, but I'm keeping them wrapped tightly and using cabbage leaves to try and get them dried out.  I'm still very sore from my c-section and am not leaving the house much except to go to the store or go around the block for a walk.  I haven't had any "blues" yet but am wondering what lies ahead in my future.  I couldn't have asked for a better journey, for better IPs or a better ending to such an awesome journey.  It really has been amazing.  I feel very blessed to be a part in such an amazing journey.  I'll let you know how the next couple of weeks go and I am very lucky  as I get to see Chance when I want and be a part of his life....I know everyone is not so lucky.  Thank you to all of my followers and everyone who has  prayed for me, sent good vibes, followed me thru this and sent encouraging words.  I love all of you and will let you know how things go.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Less than 48 hrs.....

Well I don't have much to report.  At my dr. appt. last Friday I wasn't even dialated.  I have less than 48 hours until I deliver this sweet boy.  Last Saturday my IM and me had a spa day complete w/ manis, pedis, facials and massages.  I think I went to heaven and back that was amazing!!! Sadly, we both forgot to take pics!! Dang it, but it was amazing.  Tomorrow my mom arrives at 2:30 and then we are all going out for dinner for my "last meal" and then will be at the hospital at 7:30 a.m. Friday morning.  I can't believe this journey has almost come to an end.  It has been so amazing and I seriously have the best IPs hands down!!!  I'm sure a few of you other surros would think those are fighting words....but seriously I have been so blessed to help such an awesome couple.  I cannot wait to meet this lil man....he will be so loved.  I'm working until tomorrow at noon and then will be off for 5-6 weeks...which will be so nice!!!!  My dr. has a strict 6 week policy after a c-section and as much convincing (or as little) I did that I could go back before then, I don't think she's going to release me.    I just reread this and think I'm rambling, but I have so many emotions right now...happy, sad, excited, anxious, wondering the "what ifs", contemplating how I will feel when I get home and I seriously haven't slept good in sorry if I don't make sense.  I will leave you with these pics from work today and a girl at work thought it would be fun to take them in heels.  LOL  So no, I didn't actually wear these to work, my heel days have been over since about 35 weeks, but here you go.  I will report back after the birth.  Thanks to all my fellow surros and followers who have followed this journey.  I have "met" some awesome people thru this blog and one in particular who I've met in person is Krystal and I'm so thankful for her support and friendship.  Can't wait to be with her thru her journey. Until next you go

Monday, June 20, 2011

11 days....

So much has been going on.  Last Tuesday I was so busy at work and didn't eat except for breakfast (yeah I know...whoops).  I worked later than normal that day too and was feeling terrible.  I picked up my daughter and we went home.  Late Tuesday night I started feeling really bad.  I thought maybe I was having contractions, but wasn't sure (yeah I know most people know..but seriously I really wasn't sure...LOL).  Anyways, needless to say I was up all night in pain and debated on whether to go to the hospital or not.  I didn't.  Wednesday I slept in later than normal and came to work a couple hours late and still felt pretty crappy.  My IM said if I started getting those pains again to call the dr. I had a dr. appt. already for Friday so I'm stubborn and didn't go.  She suggested that maybe my blood sugar go too low from not eating and by Wed. night I was feeling much better.  Thursday was the Mavs parade and I debated off and on whether to go, but it's once in a lifetime and I'm a big Mavs fan and our office was closed for the a bunch of us decided to go from work.  THANKFULLY we were in the shade the whole time except for the last 15 min or so of the parade.  I made it and felt good, tired, but good the rest of the day.  Friday I felt back to normal finally and didn't think this baby was going to fall out every time I stood up!!! LOL I had a dr. appt. on Friday and dr. said all is well. I am measuring 36 weeks at 37 weeks and she estimated the baby weighing around 7 lbs.  We all have a bet going on how much he will weigh.  I'm pretty sure I'm going to win w/ a 7lb. 4 oz. guess!!!! :)  I've said that from day one and still pretty confident!  Saturday was the baby shower for sweet baby C and let me tell you, it was one AMAZING baby shower.  We had so much fun, this little boy is going to be sooo loved and everyone was so kind and kept telling me how amazing and fabulous I was.  It's nice to hear, but also a little uncomfortable. LOL  I don't think I'm any more "fabulous" than the next person and if I do say so myself, my IPs are pretty darn FABULOUS!!!!    So with all of that, I'll leave you with some pics...3 of my belly and then one at the parade with my shirt!!! LOL   I got lots of laughs and compliments.   And as of today, I only have 11 days and am praying every night I make it the next 11 days because I want my mama here and she lands at 2:30 on June 30!!!  Nothing like the last minute!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

36 weeks today....3 to go!!!

had my dr. appt. today and baby is measuring right on at 36 weeks.  My cervix is still shut and not dialated.  Had to get the b-strep and HIV tests done, other than that all is well.  Oh and I lost a pound!! YES! LOL