Tuesday, March 15, 2011

hormones...they are great, aren't they?!

I'm going to blame this on pregnancy hormones, but an article I read today has me so upset that it's getting its own blog...and has nothing to do with surrogacy...and I'm crying about it. LOL

I read today that gay family homes are perceived better than single mom homes.  I LOVE gays and will be the first to say I'm all for equal rights and gay marriage and gay men/women raising children.  I think it's amazing that we have come this far and although we have a lot further to go, I'm all for gay families.  What I'm against is saying that it is perceived better than single moms because there are at least 2 people in the home raising the children.  I am a single mom and also a single mom to a bi-racial child???? Whoa!! That is bigtime right?!! Hell no it's not.  It's something that God has blessed me with.  I don't see how anyone could say that being in a bad relationship with two parents in the household is better than a single parent, mother or father.  I was in a bad relationship.  I wasn't happy.  I cried A LOT...daily pretty much.  I didn't want to get out of bed sometimes, but I tried to make it work because that's what I'm supposed to do.  I'm supposed to be in a relationship with her father.  Children should be raised in a 2-parent home.  I tried to be happy and make things work because that is how I grew up.  Well, I already broke one rule....a child before marriage.  Now, breaking another rule.....being a single parent?! How could I??!!   Well I did and I've never been happier.  My daughter's father and I get a long 1000 times better now that we aren't together.  We do things together that we would have NEVER done when we were in a relationship and we actually enjoy it instead of being miserable.  Will we ever get back together? NO!  But can we be good parents to our daughter being apart? Yes we can and we do.  I don't ever want my daughter to think it is ok to be in a relationship where you are miserable and yelling and screaming all the time at each other.  I don't want her to say, well this was ok with my mom, so why isn't it ok for me?  I want to show her what healthy love is.  I want her to see her mom is happy and doesn't have to depend on a man to be happy.   I want her to know that I go to work every day and live and breath for her.  All for her.  That to me is unconditional love.  Her dad isn't the greatest dad, but in her eyes right now, he walks on the moon.  Her daddy is the love of her life and I want her to believe that.  I don't ever criticize or talk bad about him to her....EVER PERIOD!!  If he makes me mad or disappoints her, that is on him.  She will decide how she wants to look at her dad when she's older.  I will let her have that option to decide on his actions without my influence.   Don't get me wrong, one day when the time is right and I find a good man to be in a relationship with, then great, so be it.  But I'm not going out looking for a man just so I can have 2 parents in the household and to be married because that is the "right" thing to do.  It just amazes me at some people's ignorance.  Again, because my daughter is bi-racial and I'm single, I have even a bigger stero-type.  But her dad is a very hard working man and God blessed us both with a beautiful daughter and if you think for one minute I'm going to let someone tell me that I've done it all wrong or that I need a husband in the house, then to them I say worry about your own life and I'll worry about mine.  Her dad and I are better friends than lovers and not sure if I will ever find the "perfect" lover, but my focus will always be on my daughter and her happiness rather than finding happiness with a man who may or may not be there in a year or ten....when he finds something better that comes along!!  I could go all day on this subject, but I'll stop.  I feel better about writing it all out. 


Krystal said...

People are just ignorant and it's annoying! My mom was also a single parent of a bi-racial daughter (me) and I personally think she did a great job on her own! This world has come a long way, but like you said we have much further to go. More power to ya!

momof4 said...

People are stupid. period. You are amazing and that's all you need to know:)