Friday, March 25, 2011

L&D Observation Room Anyone??

That is where I spent my day Wednesday.  I was sick all night Tuesday night and Wed. morning I still couldn't keep anything down and my lower back was in so much pain.  I called the dr. and they said go straight to Labor & Delivery Observation.  So away I went.  I checked in at 1:30 and didn't get to leave until 6 p.m. with all test results coming back normal and no contractions or anything.  We all decided I must have got a bug.  I really thought I had a UTI because I've had several (not with this pregnancy but in the past) but it was a negative.  It was scary, it was a place I don't want to have to go back to, but the nurses were great and took good care of me.  I'm feeling much better and finally getting an appetite back.  I was 25 weeks yesterday and have a dr. appt. today so things are moving right along.  14 more weeks to go....crazy how time is flying!

Monday, March 21, 2011

You Never Realize...

You never really realize how many people ask you and talk to you about your pregnancy until...well I guess until it isn't yours and you have to decide to either just go with it or stop and explain.  For the most part, I just go with it.   By "just going with it" I mean, I don't tell every person that asks me when I'm due, how far along am I, what am I having, what I'm naming him, etc. that this baby is not mine.  I sometimes wish I could wear a shirt that says "Yes, I'm Pregnant, but the Baby isn't Mine" LOL   How do you think people would react then?   Taylen does so good with it too.  Every person that asks her "are you excited to be a big sister" she looks at them and then me like "why are they asking me that?  I'm not going to be a big sister."  LOL  She has a time or 2 said, that's not my mommy's baby and people are like hmmmmmmmmm..ok.   But other times she just walks away or changes the subject. Pretty darn good for a 3 year old!!!!!  I figure it takes longer to stop and explain the situation then to just go with it with people that I will never see again, like grocery store or shopping or other random places talk to you.  I'm sure my neighbors will be wondering after I have the baby but don't have the new baby with me at all times, like what the heck.  I for one, will probably never ask another woman about her pregnancy that I don't know.  I'm not sure if I even have just in passing anyways, but I definitely will not anymore.  You don't know her situation.  She may be giving it up for adoption, may be a surrogate, may be having major complications and deciding whether to keep it or not.  This is definitely a lesson in itself for me.  I'm not offended by people asking, but I just feel like it takes way longer to stop and explain to every person about surrogacy then to just go with we are having a baby boy and Taylen will be a big sister.  She'll be a "special cousin" but not a big sister.   Don't get me wrong though, when I feel like the time is right or that I have a lot of time to stop and explain, then I do.  I want the world to know about surrogacy.  I want them to know there are other options.  I love people's expressions when you do actually tell them and some of their questions are hilarious, but it's not for everyone and most of the time I'm running late somewhere (story of my life) and I don't have the time to explain it all.  You can't just say, "the baby is not mine" or even "I'm just a surrogate" and walk on because that opens up a whole lot of questions and discussion.   So I guess my point of this blog is to other surrogates, how do you handle this and to my fellow friends and followers who are not surrogates or never met one....think about it the next time you are going to ask a stranger about her pregnancy.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

hormones...they are great, aren't they?!

I'm going to blame this on pregnancy hormones, but an article I read today has me so upset that it's getting its own blog...and has nothing to do with surrogacy...and I'm crying about it. LOL

I read today that gay family homes are perceived better than single mom homes.  I LOVE gays and will be the first to say I'm all for equal rights and gay marriage and gay men/women raising children.  I think it's amazing that we have come this far and although we have a lot further to go, I'm all for gay families.  What I'm against is saying that it is perceived better than single moms because there are at least 2 people in the home raising the children.  I am a single mom and also a single mom to a bi-racial child???? Whoa!! That is bigtime right?!! Hell no it's not.  It's something that God has blessed me with.  I don't see how anyone could say that being in a bad relationship with two parents in the household is better than a single parent, mother or father.  I was in a bad relationship.  I wasn't happy.  I cried A LOT...daily pretty much.  I didn't want to get out of bed sometimes, but I tried to make it work because that's what I'm supposed to do.  I'm supposed to be in a relationship with her father.  Children should be raised in a 2-parent home.  I tried to be happy and make things work because that is how I grew up.  Well, I already broke one rule....a child before marriage.  Now, breaking another rule.....being a single parent?! How could I??!!   Well I did and I've never been happier.  My daughter's father and I get a long 1000 times better now that we aren't together.  We do things together that we would have NEVER done when we were in a relationship and we actually enjoy it instead of being miserable.  Will we ever get back together? NO!  But can we be good parents to our daughter being apart? Yes we can and we do.  I don't ever want my daughter to think it is ok to be in a relationship where you are miserable and yelling and screaming all the time at each other.  I don't want her to say, well this was ok with my mom, so why isn't it ok for me?  I want to show her what healthy love is.  I want her to see her mom is happy and doesn't have to depend on a man to be happy.   I want her to know that I go to work every day and live and breath for her.  All for her.  That to me is unconditional love.  Her dad isn't the greatest dad, but in her eyes right now, he walks on the moon.  Her daddy is the love of her life and I want her to believe that.  I don't ever criticize or talk bad about him to her....EVER PERIOD!!  If he makes me mad or disappoints her, that is on him.  She will decide how she wants to look at her dad when she's older.  I will let her have that option to decide on his actions without my influence.   Don't get me wrong, one day when the time is right and I find a good man to be in a relationship with, then great, so be it.  But I'm not going out looking for a man just so I can have 2 parents in the household and to be married because that is the "right" thing to do.  It just amazes me at some people's ignorance.  Again, because my daughter is bi-racial and I'm single, I have even a bigger stero-type.  But her dad is a very hard working man and God blessed us both with a beautiful daughter and if you think for one minute I'm going to let someone tell me that I've done it all wrong or that I need a husband in the house, then to them I say worry about your own life and I'll worry about mine.  Her dad and I are better friends than lovers and not sure if I will ever find the "perfect" lover, but my focus will always be on my daughter and her happiness rather than finding happiness with a man who may or may not be there in a year or ten....when he finds something better that comes along!!  I could go all day on this subject, but I'll stop.  I feel better about writing it all out. 

Thursday, March 10, 2011

6 mnth mark

We hit 6 mnths today.  Man how time flies!! I can't believe in 3.5 mnths, I will be delivering a baby boy and handing him over to some very deserving parents.  Excited!!!  I seriously have to remind myself sometimes that I'm pregnant.  Well, obviously if I just look down at my stomach I can tell, but I don't "feel" so much pregnant.  I feel great.   I thought my pregnancy with Taylen was easy, but this one has been far!!! I only pray it continues and that delivery will be just as easy.  I'm getting my belly buddie back that I gave my IPs this weekend when we do brunch together so will be hooking that up and letting lil' baby boy hear his parents.  So much fun!!  Other than that, not much else going on.  We got to travel to SC to visit my parents last weekend and from here on out, no more traveling out of the state, but I'm fine with that.  Just means anyone who wants to see me has to travel it should be.  LOL   Hope all my loyal "followers" are doing great!!! Love ya'll!