Monday, March 21, 2011

You Never Realize...

You never really realize how many people ask you and talk to you about your pregnancy until...well I guess until it isn't yours and you have to decide to either just go with it or stop and explain.  For the most part, I just go with it.   By "just going with it" I mean, I don't tell every person that asks me when I'm due, how far along am I, what am I having, what I'm naming him, etc. that this baby is not mine.  I sometimes wish I could wear a shirt that says "Yes, I'm Pregnant, but the Baby isn't Mine" LOL   How do you think people would react then?   Taylen does so good with it too.  Every person that asks her "are you excited to be a big sister" she looks at them and then me like "why are they asking me that?  I'm not going to be a big sister."  LOL  She has a time or 2 said, that's not my mommy's baby and people are like hmmmmmmmmm..ok.   But other times she just walks away or changes the subject. Pretty darn good for a 3 year old!!!!!  I figure it takes longer to stop and explain the situation then to just go with it with people that I will never see again, like grocery store or shopping or other random places talk to you.  I'm sure my neighbors will be wondering after I have the baby but don't have the new baby with me at all times, like what the heck.  I for one, will probably never ask another woman about her pregnancy that I don't know.  I'm not sure if I even have just in passing anyways, but I definitely will not anymore.  You don't know her situation.  She may be giving it up for adoption, may be a surrogate, may be having major complications and deciding whether to keep it or not.  This is definitely a lesson in itself for me.  I'm not offended by people asking, but I just feel like it takes way longer to stop and explain to every person about surrogacy then to just go with we are having a baby boy and Taylen will be a big sister.  She'll be a "special cousin" but not a big sister.   Don't get me wrong though, when I feel like the time is right or that I have a lot of time to stop and explain, then I do.  I want the world to know about surrogacy.  I want them to know there are other options.  I love people's expressions when you do actually tell them and some of their questions are hilarious, but it's not for everyone and most of the time I'm running late somewhere (story of my life) and I don't have the time to explain it all.  You can't just say, "the baby is not mine" or even "I'm just a surrogate" and walk on because that opens up a whole lot of questions and discussion.   So I guess my point of this blog is to other surrogates, how do you handle this and to my fellow friends and followers who are not surrogates or never met one....think about it the next time you are going to ask a stranger about her pregnancy.

7 comments:

Jennifer said...

I can so relate to this post. It happens to me all the time. I'm like you I just go with it! It's amazing how many rude, busy bodies there are.

momof4 said...

nice post! I'm not one to ever ask a preggo women questions, i just stare at her belly lol i have a thing, i LOVE seeing pregnant women, they are beautiful! But i totally see what you're saying;)

Jeff and Kevin said...

Good lord I made the mistake once of asking a woman about her pregnancy AND SHE WASN'T PREGNANT. I steer clear :)
I accidentally hit delete instead of publish on the comment you left. Sorry! Why in the heck do they put the delete and publish links so close?
K

Krystal said...

I've been wondering what I will say/do when I actually start showing. Now you've got me thinking about what my kid's responses will be! Yikes! I think I'll get one of those shirts, thanks.

Ashley said...

I had a lot of fun with this. As you do, for a lot of people I just acted like the babies were mine and went about my day. I realized that if I even attempted to explain that I was surrogate, I was setting myself up for another VERY long conversation with a complete stranger. And some people are so dumb, "What is a surrogate??" Not even worth my time =) But, with some people, depending on my silly mood, I pretended that the triplets were mine!! I loved seeing their reaction to me being pregnant with triplets when I already had a 3 and 1 1/2 year old! They thought I was absolutely nuts and it was sooo funny hearing what they had to say, some were not too nice =). Anyway, I think it is great how you and your daughter are handling it. Oh, and I had a couple surrogate shirts, but that really brought on more attention then I had liked!!

Kelli said...

So glad to have found your blog!

I've been thinking about how I'll handle that when I'm in that situation (hopefully in a few months!). I also don't tend to ask people about their pregnancies, but know that plenty of others out there do! Even with my own last pregnancy, I got lots of questions, comments, and "opinions" from strangers since my second son was only around a year old when I was noticeably pregnant (they're 14 mos. apart). Most of which I did not care for. I think it's best to just end conversations with random strangers as quickly as possible. Not worth it! :)

stacey said...

Hi - just found your blog! I am also a single mom surrogate too. This is my first time and I am still pretty early:)